Well Into The Final Chapter

Once you have had children and they are fully raised, if you don’t have any grandchildren to help out with, then life becomes somewhat less meaningful. When your career ends, and you no longer have to think about all the things that come along with a job, it adds greatly to your sense that you are not particularly needed by anyone or for anything. You are no longer of much use to society, mankind, your colleagues, or even your family.

It would be great if you could immerse yourself in something really worthwhile. Some great social cause to help mankind, or some kind of charity work which genuinely helps people out. I have made several different attempts at volunteering, but nothing has worked out.

I’m sure that having incurable leukemia and constantly fighting the various different infections that accompany a diminishing immune system doesn’t help. The constant knowledge that your allotted time is almost over does begin to wear on you a bit. This sounds really strange, but one of the most important motivators to keep on plugging away each day is that I owe it to my little black doggie. I have a responsibility to him. But if something were to happen to him I have little doubt that this would probably be my cue to go ahead and end this final chapter in my life story.

There are a few people that I do miss. None of my three ex-wives. Not one bit. But I do miss my friend Kathy. I miss my brother Mike and my father too. My Mom was very nice and I loved her a lot, but sometimes I really do miss my Dad. This is strange, because he died in 1977. That was well over 30 years ago. How odd it is that I still think about him and miss his company. I miss the chance to get his advice, even though I often rebelled against it. He was no saint, but he sure was a good man, and he was a great father.

In trying to be cold and analytical about it, I think that in general my Dad might have even been a little proud of me. There are certainly parts of my life story that he would not have approved of, but when in private with his buddies I think he might even have bragged about me a little. I hope so. He did a great job of preparing me for the battles I had to fight over the last 60 years. And I find that as I get near to the final battle, in some ways I have turned out a great deal like him.

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