If I Should Die Before I Wake

I know this sounds a little psychotic, but back 60 some odd years ago when I was a young boy I actually said a little prayer each night before going to sleep. That was back in the era of Sky King, Ozzie and Harriet, and the fascist McCarthy commission in the U.S. Congress.

Many years later I once again think each evening about the possibility that I might not wake up in the morning.

I have an incurable form of leukemia, and I have now lived well beyond my statistical best-before-date. According to the bell curve only 35% of my similar colleagues are still alive. The disease has indeed awakened and is now progressing rapidly. The days really are rather pleasant...no complaints. But the nights are getting increasingly difficult. Last night I awoke screaming in pain in the middle of the night. When I do this it sort of freaks out my little macho black doggie. He is so empathic and wishes so that he could do something to help.

Anyway, there is no point being negative about it all. Each of us is terminally ill, I just am fortunate enough to have a fairly good conception of the timing of it all.

But back to the bedtime prayers. I have traveled extensively in the holy land, I've been to church is some of the finest and most sacred cathedrals in Europe. I now think that most organized religions, most certainly Christianity and Mohammedanism are nothing but a total bunch of horribly evil hogwash. Organized religion may be nothing but a bunch of lies, however death is inevitable and completely real.
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So each evening I make certain that my dog's water and dry dog food bowls are completely full. He has a doggie door and can go outside whenever he wishes. We don't have anyone who checks on us with any regularity, but I hope that my little furry friend will get lucky and someone will check on us before he suffers a horrible death. Starvation takes a good while, but death from dehydration really doesn't take all that many days.

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