Excited and Enthusiastic About Going On To The Next Chapter
When my aunt died, she was ready and then some. Her practically life-long husband had died a few years earlier, her legs had now given out, and she was really tired of this life. She was weary and she was ready to move on, but in a bitter, sad sort of way.
I have recently been experiencing the strangest thoughts.
I feel like my mission on earth in this body is just about complete. Chronologically and statistically speaking, that is simply an accurate and realistic statement of the facts.
I sired a child, and I did my best to raise him well. I got a good education and then I enjoyed a challenging and satisfying career. I read lots of books and did a bit of world travel. When I was much younger I was certain that I could drink the best of them under the table, and I “knew” several women.
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What I am experiencing now is a really positive, happy thought pattern. I’ve almost completed all that I am going to do in this lifetime.
My leukemia has not gotten a whole lot worse. My house and car are paid for, I don’t owe any money to anyone, and I have a little money left in the bank. The wonderful relationship I have with my little black doggie is one of the most important things in my life now.
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Life could be worse. For sure.
So I’m not at the point yet of accelerating the process of moving on with the assistance of my trusty .44 magnum Dirty Harry revolver. But the thought of finishing up this chapter is certainly no longer at all scary. I have actually begun looking forward to moving on.
Sounds strange, huh? Looney? Perhaps. But if so it is a self induced lunacy without having used any drugs or alcohol in years.
I see my friends in Deming and Bournemouth both undergoing the horrors of chemotherapy. I wish them the absolute very best in their own personal journeys and their battles at the end, but my ending will not include toxic treatments like this. Especially since in the case of CLL, these substances the cancer specialists give one do not actually result in a longer life span. In most cases they unfortunately do make the body’s immune system perform substantially worse than it already was.
My recent thought patterns are not due to someone else’s weird ideas like some cult, religion, church, or blind faith. This end of life thought process is all my own, and I’m kind of liking it. It seems like what is just right for me.
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